I know people often think I'm mean, distant, cold or even rude. It's kinda hard to explain or put into words. I think, maybe, I just socially awkward? I'm not even sure, tho.. *sigh*

I don't know how to do small talk, I don't know how to run social situation smoothly like the others. I'm not the type to fake enthusiasm or pretend to care about things that don't resonate with me. That probably makes me seem indifferent, but in reality, I'm just awkwardly awkward. 

Most of the time, I actually in a perfectly neutral mood, not happy, not bad, just... normal. But, for some reason, some people assume I'm in bad mood. They're gonna 'ooh, don't disturb her, she's unhappy person today' or 'she's in her lion mode, go away', and other phrases. It's like, unless I'm smiling all the time or overly engaging, people think something's wrong. 

It's not that I'm trying to push anyone away, I just don't always know how to express myself in a way that feels "socially acceptable." And sometimes, rather than trying to explain myself or engage in small talk, I'd rather stay quiet, keep to myself and avoid the misunderstanding altogether. 

For some people, I can be wide open and talkative, while for the others, I might come off as sarcastic, cold or even cynical. It's like I wear different faces depending on who I'm around, and (once again) I DON'T KNOW WHY. It's not intentional, but it happens. I wish I could understand why I'm like this or how to change it. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone really understand me or if they just see the surface-level version of who I seem to be. Do you ever feel like this, too? Like you're misunderstood even when you're just being yourself?

- D